New Ventures

Well, seeing as how it’s practically a new month, it seems like the ideal time to unveil my latest plans.

 I have decided to just quit everything (e.g. drop out of school, etc. because I mean, come on, screw school, it’s not as though we actually learn anything anyway) and open a JELLY BEAN factory. Of course, should it do well, like Willy Wonka’s, then I would expand my horizons to other delectable treats such as chocolate and bubble gum and others.

I’ll run the whole operation from my sub-level basement and hire house elves… although I’m not too sure yet exactly where I shall find them. (Psst, if you’re looking for employment, send me your resumes!) Any ideas?

They won’t be regular jelly beans either; oh no. I was thinking of starting with ‘Rotten Egg’ and ‘Partially-Decomposed Garbage’ flavours. Sounds delicious, n’est pas? Think Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans. But muggle-ized.

In fact, not only is this idea totally going through, you–that’s right, you–can contact me with details as to your specific preferences and such. (As far as I know, data collection is quite an essential part of a successful business.) Pre-orders can start being placed now! Go ahead, you know you want to.

🙂        Yours sincerely,